Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
