Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
