I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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