We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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