How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
