No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
