mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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