We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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