Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
