i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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