Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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