Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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