i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
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