We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
