I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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