Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Operation Purity has been aborted
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
