I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
