i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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