He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
