well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
