the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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