I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
