I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
