Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize