i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
