I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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