Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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