as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
