This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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