honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
