Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
