She is in my trunk
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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