I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize