It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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