Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
