nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I love you. Go after that dick
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