i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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