I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
