Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it hurts more in the daytime
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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