Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
