i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
