I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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