i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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