This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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