So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
