The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
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ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
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How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.