If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
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Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.