She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos