Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
