even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
