Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize