i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
