Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
