I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize