in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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