Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
