What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
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If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
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okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.