Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".