As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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