i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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