Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
