Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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