They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
